Wednesday, April 10, 2019

A Letter to Tater

  So many bloggers do birthday letters, and that's never been my thing. But this birthday is also an anniversary of the day my sweet Tater became a brother, so here's a letter, that he likely won't ever read to him.

To my wild child on the first anniversary of you becoming a brother,
 This year has been, something. It's been hard, and magical all at the same time. The first time you saw your baby brother, I knew you were going to be the best brother there is. You walked into that hospital room with a smile on your face. I could feel your joy. You held your brother, and I cried. You smiled, and asked if he was cold. You told me to whisper when he fell asleep. You were the protector.

 When we came home that afternoon you had no idea what was about to happen. You didn't realize how much our dynamic was shifting, or how scared I was to have two children to parent. You didn't care. Your transition to the oldest child was really so easy compared to the nightmares we'd be told to expect. We had some really hard days together, ones where I think back and kick myself for not being more patient, or understanding. I've been tired and worn down. I was hurting, busy or just not myself for so many moments. I'm sorry I wasn't the best Mom, but you never made me feel like I was failing.
  You tested, and still test my patience, and emotions. You get defiant, loud and wild... like every kid, ever. You got jealous, but it was short lived. You shifted into the perfect big brother. You've been helpful, and kind. You've shared toys, even when it was really hard. You've said sweet little things that I won't ever forget. You are such a proud brother, even a year later.
  I can't thank you enough for how you've taken on this roll. You've helped make bottles, grab toys, get snacks, and watch your brother. You sing to him when he cries, and hold his hand. You call him Baby Helton, and I hope that never changes. You've held my hand when I'm overwhelmed, wiped MY tears, and accepted my apology when I was short or snappy. You remind me that when I make a mistake that it's okay. You say it to your brother too.

 The bond you have with your brother will morph over your lifetime. You'll love each other and hate each other. You'll go without talking to talking daily. One day if you two choose to have kids, your kids will play together, and you'll watch wondering what your life has become. I'm so glad I could give you a built in best friend. I'm so proud of the brother that you are.

P.S. I totally high five myself for giving you a brother on National Siblings Day.
 Love, Mom.

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