Monday, August 20, 2018

                                                 Marriage is fucking hard.  
                                 don't even pretend that it's not, so let's talk about it.
                     Image result for marriage gifs
 I don't care if you are "literally the most perfect couple ever, and are meant to be together forever!" Marriage is hard. It's not always this effortless, picture perfect love story. A healthy marriage actually takes a lot of nurturing and hard work. Communication, compromise, the occasional "f" bomb and all that stuff... Finding time to give each other attention that we need and deserve is sometimes impossible. We as people fill our plates until they are about to snap. It's like we take some sick pride in being overwhelmingly busy. Between jobs and other obligations it's easy to back burner your marriage. Throwing kids into the mix takes things that are hard and makes them absolute insanity.
 We have two boys, and we are literally always busy. ALWAYS. School, activities, friend obligations, baseball, work, blogging, advocating and trying to balance our time with both sides of the family is a constant struggle. By the end of the day we are so tired we can't see straight. On the rare occasion we don't have anything going on, we love to spend time with just our boys, which includes some sort of activity. We go, and go and go. It never ends.
 It's easy to feel disconnected from your partner when the world is literally revolving around everything but your marriage. Seriously this passed week has been rough for us. We've had a lot of things happening. We've been disconnected, and sometimes snappy with each other. We do have a really solid foundation and a beautiful love but life is hard. Sometimes we argue, and get annoyed with each other. Sometimes I get petty, and he gets cranky. What matters is that we can communicate our way through these issues. We talk about things until they are resolved. Sometimes it's minutes and sometimes it takes a few hours or even days. We always end up back where we need to be, and the mindset we need to continue to have a healthy marriage.
  With Tater he was our only priority, and it hurt us. We were so out of touch. We were running on empty, and on two totally separate planets. It took a lot work (again with that word) to get us to be where we are. It took fighting, crying, counseling, late nights and self improvement. Our marriage was never bad, but we just weren't prioritizing our time as a couple and individual people right.
 It didn't help that we'd go on social media outlets and see what people want us to see. We (as a society) want people to think that we have a flawless, beautiful life with a perfect marriage. It really fucks with you, after a while. If you're feeling like things aren't right take a step back, and look in. Are you making time for yourself? You are still your own person even when you're married with kids. We need time to ourselves doing things that make us happy (self care.) We need time as a couple without our kids, obligations, and nonsense. Reconnect, remember why you're together. Reach out for help if you really just can't get back on the same page. Captain Therapy here reminding you that everyone should be in therapy. EVERYONE.

 I wrote about this on the blog's Facebook page this week, but I want to elaborate on it here. We really need to start being real with ourselves and others. The way our society is right now is simple. We over share. That's okay, but we need to start remembering that we are human, and so are the people that watch us. I try really hard to be open about most aspects of our life. I share so much of my life on the blog, but on my personal Facebook I really am guilty of only sharing the good stuff about my marriage. Now, I do get real about everything else but for some reason this one is hard for me. I don't want people to envy my relationship, because no relationship is alike. The Sasquatch and I have sometime so special, and real. It's not "Social Media" perfect but it's ours. I'm proud of what we have even on days that suck.

To my 'Squatch who says he doesn't read my blog, but secretly does: I love you and this thing we've got going on.

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