Thursday, October 22, 2015

Hangovers, Parenting, and Glitter.

 Acceptance. That's really what I've been working on in my life. Accepting the fact we are in debt, and that we didn't do everything we planned before having a baby. I'm also trying to forever accept my changed mind and body. Everyday I learn something else, and sometimes it's a hard pill to swallow.
 This past weekend my beautiful friend Alex got married to her soulmate. The Friday before her wedding we all took her out on the town. Our night included strange encounters on the Light Rail, trespassing, hopping fences, ripping tights, multiple bars, multiple drink, strange/gross men, and a night that I only kind of remember. I've never been a heavy drinker, but when I did drink in the past I didn't really get a hangover. I was able to wake up chipper the next morning, and go on about my business. After an eleven month period of very limited alcohol I've learned that I truly don't bounce back like I used to.
  Saturday was really a rough morning. B has to work nights, so I was on baby duty all day. After coming home at about 4 am, I was awoken around 8 am with screeches. *shiver* My whole world was spinning in multiple directions. If we are being completely honest... I'm pretty sure I was still drunk. My head felt like it was going to split into a thousand pieces. My arms were just limp, sore noodles hanging at my sides. It took me 2 minutes to figure out how to use my legs again. I entered the danger zone (Tater's Room) to see a smiley, drool covered baby that looked like he was going to make a lot of noise today. I was right about that. As soon as he had breakfast the Kracken was released. Tater was crawling, standing, and screaming all over the house. Every sound was like 10 more pounds of pressure on my skull. I was 100% sure that this is what hell looked like. I just wanted to tape pillows to to me ears and go to sleep. I've found a series of gifs that accurately describe what it's like to have a hangover with a baby.

What it's like to survive a hangover with a baby:

There is a really good chance your night looked something like this. I know mine did. Then after the night of fun is over there truly is hell to pay. 

You wake up to something like this:

Your skull is pounding, your body is sore, and that bruise must come with a really great story. 

You wish you could cover your ears, and hide from this little drooling monster... But you can't.
 You feed your little person, and then try to get yourself ready for this day.

  Then the really fun part happens. You have to entertain the beast. The screeching begins to break every fiber of your soul. As you chase this person across the living room you began to sweat all the shame and glitter from your pores.  

 Then comes the "Oh my god, I'm NEVER drinking again" phase well you cry over your crying child.                

There might be a time of nausea/vomiting at this point. As you lay on the bathroom floor bargaining with God, your child is playing in the empty bathtub. Most likely banging on it as loudly as possible.

Well praising the porcelain thrown you probably smell yourself. It's not pretty.       

Once you are done puking you look over at your small person, who is just as happy as can be. You can't do this... 

                                 Image result for bad hangover gif

THEN... something magical happens. It's suddenly nap time. You set that little person in their crib and tip toe away. The house is silent. Peace has filled your pounding head. For a moment you think you can do this.
 You shower, throw up some more, and feel like a new person. The rest of your day sucks, but it could totally be worse. 

You've now learned your lesson. You can't drink like you used to kid...

Next time just stop at one.

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