Thursday, September 3, 2015

What are friends?

  Wanna know what really sucks about being a Mom? Making Mom friends. If you are like me and have very limited friends with kids. If we are being honest your friends that don't have kids stop inviting you out when you become "uncool" and very pregnant. My invitations stopped coming around 4 months pregnant. Now your friends without kids will do a casual lunch with you once every 4 months when their cool friends don't want to go out. You can deny it up and down, but we know the truth. Trust us, we are Moms. (Chances are there is someone reading this that doesn't have kids and the light bulb is clicking. I get that we have vomit on our shirts, but we can still totally rage... before 7pm....)
  There comes a point after a baby is born where the phone calls stop coming, the freezer is void of premade meals, and the only contact you have is when they 'like' your new picture on Facebook. Sometimes you'll even get the 'I can't wait to see him again! Let's get together soon!' They day isn't going to come for a long time, my friend. You have become an afterthought. This stage totally fucking sucks. (Now there will be people in your life who would never back burner you, embrace and love those people. Also never let them go).
  So now that you're an after thought what do you do? I started by looking at the local Mom Facebook groups. I scanned through around 5 of these open groups. If you want to see a shit show, join one. I am one snarky son of nutcracker, don't get me wrong. But these women take sasshole to a whole new level. I saw one group of this woman RIPPING into this new Mom for posting a picture of coffee on the group... This wasn't the place for me. I did however get a few hours of entertainment well reading through them.
  After the Facebook fiasco I joined a website called Smile Mom. Imagine Tinder for Mom's, but instead of one night stands you get play dates. I stayed on there for a few days, and then after the group messages about going to the zoo, or what stain remover to use for vomit. I really wanted Mom friends with kids for play dates, but I also wanted to have FRIENDS. I didn't want to always talk about babies, and DIY cloth diaper covers. I wanted to laugh, and actually have a friendship. I wanted to frolic in Target, and drink too much coffee.
  As a desperate, last hope move I began just talking to random Moms... In the grocery store, Babies R Us, Target. I would just make small talk, or offer advice on a product. Secretly I hoped I would make them laugh, and then I would share my website and we would become best friends. Sadly, a lot of the women I tried talking to really just sucked. I'm sure they had perfect Mom friends of their own, and didn't want to my hot mess self. I felt like I was dating. I kept putting myself out there only to be shut down.  I felt like that seen in the beginning of Mean Girls where the little girl tells the little boy she likes him and he says "Go away"

   I began giving up hope. Would I ever have a group of Mom friends? Then well in my favorite crunchy granola store I got talking with a Mom. We talked for like 30 minutes! We laughed, and swapped some stories. We swapped phone numbers, and went our separate ways. I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO HANDLE THIS?? It's been like two weeks... Do I text her? Or do I wait and see if she texts me? I feel like this is high school... I still have no clue what to do. 
  Now that I have rambled, and vented- here is the moral; If a Mom tries to talk to you in public, don't be a dick. Chances are she just wants friends.

Maybe I'm only meant to have internet friends. 

No comments:

Post a Comment