Thursday, April 16, 2015

The Baby Man Cold

  Legend states that when a man becomes ill with a cold or flu, they turn into a massive wiener. What starts as just aches, pains, and a stuffy nose slowly turns into a dramatic display of discomfort. This display often includes (but is not limited to) excessive whining, excessive needy-ness, and a god awful fake moaning noise that is only heard during the unholy time. This legend couldn't be more true.
 As I sit here blowing my runny nose, drinking my theraflu (which tastes like salty asshole.) my husband is in the bathroom whining well the shower steams up the house. Every blow of his nose ends in a whimper, and every time he sees me he says "S, I'm sick" in the most pitiful voice possible. I never thought there was anything worse than the Man Flu, until I began experiencing the Baby Man Flu.
 That's right folks, we have a sick household. Mama, Papa, and our little Man Cub are all suffering from what I call "Ebola", even though really it's just a cold. Tater woke up screaming bloody murder. I ran to his side to see that he had a nasty snot bubble dangling from that cute little nose. Of course I laughed a bit, snot bubbles are hilarious. My sweet little man wasn't feeling good and I knew that. As I suctioned the boogers out of his nose, he made the saddest little pouty face, and looked like he was about to give me the finger. Poor Kiddo. After every sneeze he made that pitiful moaning noise and proceeded to cry.
As things progressed on he got more and more needy (just like his Dad). I snuggled my little monster, and suctions his nose, rubbed his tummy, and just loved on him as much as I could yesterday. All the while B helped around the house. This morning I finally got smart, and got Baby Vick's for Tater's little piggies (Thanks Meggles, your tip is truly a life saver). Then the worst happened, B woke up feeling like he got hit by a bus full of people. Lucky me.
 So today I battle the Man flu, the Man Cub flu, and the Mama Cold. All while it is snowing... Totally the frosting on this shit cake. If you have a few minutes, send me some good JuJu, well I defeat the Man Cold/Flu/Whatever the fuck this ailment is.

Wish me luck

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