Monday, March 16, 2015

The Spill on Birth Boards.

When I found out I was pregnant I signed up for all the online forums,,, and I heard horror stories about them all, so I was really scared to join the Birth Boards. Now, I'm going to warn you. DO NOT JOIN A BIRTH BOARD IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED. Here is my full experience with the beast that we call an internet forum.
   For the first few weeks I remained quiet on all the boards. I slowly just read the posts and tried to gain as much information as I could. Most of the posters on WTE (What to Expect) were very kind and mellow. They all liked to lift each other up, even on the stupidest of threads. I got very bored, very quick. So I moved on to The Bump, and started reading the threads there. Holy shit, those women are totally ruthless. I'm not one to sugarcoat things EVER, but hot damn those women could make a grown man cry. It was when I saw a pack of Crunchy Granola (you know, the anti vaxing, Pruis driving, yoga short wearing "super moms" who think their shit smells of organic, local roses) moms rip apart a woman who was eating cold Walmart brand sandwich meat that I knew the Bump was not for me. I moved on to Baby Center and found a happy medium between the ass kissing unicorns (the ones that will blow so much glitter up your asshole, that you'll be shitting glitter for a month), and the ruthless moms who are mildly terrifying, yet hilarious.
      I stayed very quiet on the board until one night I couldn't take it anymore. I will never forget the post I opened up on. This younger mom didn't know who the father of her baby was, and asked if you could tell if the child was black or white via 3D ultrasound. (I wish I was kidding...)I thought I had seen my fair share of stupid in this world, but I was so naive. There are some stupid ass bitches in this world, and all of them seem to post to Baby Center. I LIVED (who am I kidding, I still do) for the drama threads. Going on to the App soon became the highlight of my day. I enjoyed pointing out how truly dumb people are, but I also enjoyed giving advice in my own way. Soon I began to make friends. Regular "snarky" posters, as they called them, recognized who I was! Soon I got invited into a super secret Baby Center Society that was filled with wonderful moms who shared my passion for pointing out stupid. We all would "Bat Signal" each other to the funny posts, and not long after that we all truly formed a friendship. I talk to these women every single day. We text, email, hell we are all even Facebook Friends. Without them I wouldn't be the mom I am. 
   The reason I'm writing this post is because today I feel very appreciative of my snark filled friends. Had I not joined the birth boards, I wouldn't have them. If you can comprehend that this is just the internet, and not get but hurt over everything, birth boards truly are wonderful. Plus being pregnant sucks, and sometimes you just need a good laugh. 
Try them all out, even if you aren't pregnant!

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