Sunday, March 29, 2015

Pants, a hate story.

  I've never been a huge fan of pants... Or skirts, or anything that I have to wear, really. It's not that I enjoy being naked from the belly button down, I just really have a hate for pants. (I honestly think my dislike for pants might be stronger then my Nicolas Cage hate..) I always have, probably always will. Here's the thing that really irritates me to the most about pants. THEY NEVER FREAKING FIT.
 After having a baby none of my "pre Crotchfruit" pants fit. I knew that was going to happen, but I didn't think finding pants that did fit would be so hard. I normally wear a 14 short. I've always had large hips, but having a baby made that WAY worse. I tried on a 16,18,20,16W, 14w, and guess what? NOTHING FIT. What fit me in the waist, was a tent everywhere else, and vice versa. I was crushed... How am I supposed to be a functioning member of society without pants?!
  As I was sitting on the floor of Kohls mildly tearing up, I overheard a group of ladies talking about how they too can never find pants that fit. I looked at them, and they weren't all the same size. One was tall and thin, the other was more my shape, and then there was a short thin girl who didn't have much Bass to her (if you know what I mean). The tallest woman shouldn't have had an issue right? Nope, she did. I overheard her say that buying clothes made her feel like shot, because she was never the same size at different stores. Then this golden nugget of information hit me... Why is it that we all complain about jeans not fitting, yet NO ONE does anything about it? Why are we letting the clothing industry make us feel like total shit? I felt like a disgusting failure because I couldn't fit into anything that is normal. 
  Here is what I have to say to all the ladies that are in my shoes. Fuck it, pants suck. Buy a comfy pair of Leggings, or yoga pants, and just forget it. Just because I can't find pants doesn't mean I'm not freaking adorable, you all should feel the same. So ladies, you all are fabulous, and yoga pants should be considered classy. 
Someone really should figure this shit out. It's 2015 for christs sake! I can have toilet paper shipped to my door, but I can't find pants that fit?? Thanks, Obama.

Sorry for this rant. I just really wish pants weren't so hard to find. 



  1. Had the same issue today at Kohls! I opted for a bitchin Bob Marley and a Led Zepplin t-shirts. Why spend $40 on jeans that wont fit my big ass and smaller waist when you can NEVER I repeat NEVER go wrong with a Bob Marley t-shirt? ! Here I thought it was genetics to blame but as always Ill blame it Obama...because...everything in my world is his fault and probably will be until the die I die! ;)

  2. Fuck Kohls. and pants. Obama is clearly to blame, as to why my fat ass can't fit in pants ;)