Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Advice Email

   I was incredibly excited when I opened up my email this morning. Not only did this page get a ton of views yesterday, but I also had someone ask for my advice! Here I was thinking I had no clue what I was doing as a parent (Or as a human being if we are being 100% honest) but this one little question really boosted my ego, and confidence! I appreciate everyone who is or will read this so much. You all are the shit!
Here is what Lulu sent me this morning:

               "Good Morning. I thought you should know I really enjoy what I read. I like it so much that I've decided to ask for help. You seem to have the spine I've been looking for, for years. I've been married to my husband for 4 years, going on 5. We recently had our first child in November. I really didn't  have much experience around babies so I was learning as I went. 
My mother in law has always been kind of a boundary stomp-er meaning she never respects what I have to say or how I want things done. Well I was planning our wedding she told me that everything I had done was wrong. The venue was too small, my dress made me look fat, and the flowers were all wrong. Being spineless, I let her change everything.I should have expected this with having a baby. Our son stays with her two days a week so I can work part time. I left detailed instructions on how I wanted him taken care of. She did none of what I asked! She even switched his formula type with out consulting me. I really want to be nice, but this is getting out of hand. What do I do? How can I fix this? Can I just borrow your spine?   Lulu"

    Lulu, this isn't about you having or not having a spine. It really boils down to you being afraid of pleasing your MIL. Right now YOU are the parent, and by not squashing her shitty behavior, you are enabling her to continue thinking she is the boss. She believes she knows best, and sometimes she might. That isn't an excuse to boundary stomp everything you have to say! This is your baby and your life, it's time to take control. You absolutely need to stand up for your baby. Switching formulas without consulting you or his Ped. is ridiculous! Your husband also needs to stand up for you and the baby. He is to blame for this too. Honestly, I think you just need to law down the law and explain that she either does things your way ( because you are his mother) or she will be cut off from little one's life. Once you threaten the Cut off card things tend to change. Yes, she might be a ragging bitch for a few weeks, hell even months. If she truly wants to be apart of his life she will respect your boundaries. 
  I'm incredibly fortunate that all of my in laws are amazing. I really don't even think of them as my in laws, they are just my family. Hearing things like this makes me so grateful for that fact that I pretty much hit the lottery with B's family. I really hope things clear up for you, Lulu. Maybe asserting yourself will help build a better relationship between you too! Stay strong, and remember YOU ARE THE PARENT! :) If you want to seek more support, has a board called DWIL Nation, where they have a lot more experience with crazy families! 

So I may not have the best advice, but I am sometimes insightful! Feel free to message me questions anytime!
As always, if you enjoy what you read let me know.

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