Thursday, February 26, 2015


When I first thought about starting a blog, I thought about all the books I read while I was pregnant. They prepared me for the good, and the worst case scenario. However they didn't prepare me for everything in between. So this is just some of my input on the "in between" so far. 

1) Having a newborn is not that bad.
     I spent my entire pregnancy freaking out about how I was going to handle a newborn, a husband, and two incredibly naughty dogs. I was told the cliche "if you think you're tired now, just wait until you have the baby", I was also told I would never eat a hot meal or shower until he was older. That is so wrong. I'm sure that's the case for those moms that are easily overwhelmed. Once we got Tater home we fell into a routine. Sure it's not a total schedule but I know what to expect of my day. After our first morning feeding I set him in the pack n play, and I take a nice hot shower, then I eat breakfast well he naps. Setting some sort of routine is key my friends, it allows you to have some normal in your life. Everyday is different, but at least I shower and eat!

2) Newborns are allowed to cry. 
     The first few weeks I was terrified to let T cry. Anytime he'd even make a noise I'd jump up to comfort him. I didn't eat, I didn't shower, hell I don't think I even peed those two weeks. Of course I had a breakdown. After sobbing uncontrollably on the floor of my hallway I FINALLY realized that he is allowed to cry so I can take a shit, or shower. He can fuss and cry while I eat some cereal, I promise he will live. Now I'm not saying to let them cry it out and scream for hours on end. A few minutes of him Crying won't hurt your baby, and you'll get a few minutes of sanity. 

3) Accept the help everyone offers!
      If your bat shit crazy mother in law wants to come help with laundry, let her. Even if that means having to deal with her for a few hours, it's worth it. (I got super lucky and have the greatest in laws, so I had no issues having them come help.) You don't have to be super mom, trust me. Swallow your damn pride, let people cook you some meals, or watch baby well you take a nap. It won't make you any less of a good mom to take some help. You just pushed a kid out of your snatch, TAKE THE HELP.

4) Don't be afraid to set boundaries.
     After you have the baby your front door will turn into a revolving door unless you put your foot down. I was so terrified to tell people no, because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Our son was in the NICU for 9 days after birth, and we constantly had at least 3 people there at a time. God forbid the doctor came in when either of our parents were there, we could hardly get a word in. Let family and friends know that you absolutely appreciate their excitement, but you need sometime for your new little family to adjust. Most of the time people will get butt hurt, but they'll get over it when you finally do open the door to visitors. 

5) Taking care of yourself is more important than having a spotless home.
      I'm not at all saying you should live in deplorable filth.  If you know baby will be asleep for 26 more minutes, and you have the choice between eating a hot meal, and swiffering your living room, eat. If you aren't taking some time to take care of yourself, you can't properly take care of your little one. A mom can not live on goldfish crackers alone. 

    Thank you to my wonderful mommy friend Alex, for showing me these liquid gold, magical fuckers. What these amazing little friends do is help break up gassy build up! Tater was getting HORRIBLE gas pains at 3am, we tried them, and it was instant happiness for all parties involved. *disclaimer: these will make your baby fart like a grown ass man.*

7) You are not a failure if you formula feed. 
  I was so incredibly set on breastfeeding. I stocked up on the nipple pads, cream, and gel pads. I got a fancy electric pump, and the best nursing bras I could find. I thought formula feeding was a monster, and that it would make me a selfish mom. Welp, reality hit and I just wasn't producing enough milk to feed my little boob monster. I tried fenugreek, mother milk tea (which tastes like satan's asshole, by the way) and I even made those God awful Brewers yeast cookies that made me wish I was eating trees, nothing helped. I began to both formula feed for supplementary reasons. I was okay with that, I could handle only partially breastfeeding. Then the unexpected monster of PPD hit. I was put on an antidepressant, and was told to no longer breastfeed.  I had the largest mental breakdown of my life. I felt like a total failure. I cried to my sweet husband who told me that I need to realize something really important...  If you are feeding your baby, you are doing a great job as a mom. Formula has nutrients they need. Yes breast is best, but my happy little boy is fed.  That is what is truly important. Don't let ANYONE make you feel bad for providing your child with food, no matter how you do it. 

8) Everyone wants to tell you how to raise your crotchfruit. 
    Whether you are in the store, or surrounded by family everyone will have an opinion on how to raise your child. I got incredibly offended to the first person who came up to me with advice. I was in Walmart (gag me) 9 months pregnant when I shit you not, a woman comes up and says "the best way to raise your baby is catholic". It took all my strength to just nod my head and smile. After many people offering advice I finally decided to write them down. I have really great advice, and some that are so bad that they make me laugh.

9) Trust your instincts. 
   At 3 weeks old, Tater got a really bad cough. He had no fever, and was just a little mucus-y. We rushed him to the Children's hospital (the best in the state my ass) and they told me it was reflux. I asked the nurse, and both doctors to do an RSV test. They refused, and said it wasn't RSV. The next day he started to sound like he was weezing, so back to the ER  we went and again, they refused to do an RSV test. I got into my car, and called his pediatrician. She was incredibly concerned and had us rush to her office. The RSV test turned positive before we could even blink. Off to the PICU we went, even though we had just been released from the NICU 6 days prior. 8 days later we got to bring him home on oxygen. Needless to say, trust your instincts. 

10) Write things down.
    Everyone always warned me about how fast time would go once we had a baby. I never believed them. Well now I know just how fast time flies. So I encourage you all to write things down, just like I have done. On a horrible day it's so nice to be able to open a notebook, and read about my crotch blossom's first smile. 


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